NYC Architect John Wender. Total player, very charming sociopathic narcissist, pathological liar and sleazy cheater with no remorse. I am posting this because of what he did to a friend of mine. She is way too nice to post something here herself plus she thinks his bad behavior is a “cry for help.” I say forewarned is forearmed! Read on: First of all, no matter what you think, you are NOT the only woman he is seeing or pursuing right now. He can’t and won’t stop sleeping around and lying about it. So don’t fool yourself just because he is charming and seems so open. He is very good at fooling people and manipulating them. Watch for his catch phrases like “starved for affection.” When he is hunched over his iPhone constantly like a hunched old man gnome, it is not because he is contacting his kids (his constant excuse he will use to lie to you when he has a date with someone else, btw) but because he is contacting another woman!
Second, know who you are dealing with. The guy really is a sociopath. Here is what he did to my friend. She has a sometimes debilitating terminal illness and is immunosuppressed. After she was with John, she got sick with many, many things that left her horribly ill and debilitated for months. She went to doctors and they said her partner should get tested because the tests were more reliable on him than on her. So when she told him how sick she was and asked him to get tested, what did he do? He dismissed her, lied to her, mocked her, and then told her never to contact him again!!! She is still sick and still getting treated and trying to find out all the things he gave her. It is horrible and she lost months of income and is totally depressed. All this after she was nothing but super nice and generous to him. Now what kind of guy would endanger a woman’s health and life and treat her this way, for NO reason? Just because he is cheap and didn’t want to go to the doctor (he is TOTALLY cheap), or maybe because he’d rather not know what STD’s he has so he can just keep sleeping around? Or because he just can’t be bothered? Even though my friend’s health and maybe even life is at risk? Oh, and he WILL try to get you to not use protection with him. You can be sure he’ll lie about being tested and about when he was last with someone, like he did to my friend!
My friend is beautiful and smart and kind and generous, but she trusts people too much. Don’t let this happen to you. The guy will try to get you to feel sympathy for him about his divorce and his life. He will seem all open and confiding. That is one way he tries to get women into bed. Believe me, he does it with everyone. It is all his act. He seems all sensitive and nice but he is truly a misogynist. He gets off on getting as many women into bed as possible and on f*cking them over. Some sick power trip. This goes with his addict personality — oh yes, he was an addict for many many years. Also this goes with the pathological lying. Notice he will change the details of anything he tells you, constantly. But if you try to mention it, he will get angry and turn it around on you and try to make you feel bad. He did this to my friend more than once. He cannot be trusted! It’s an illness, compulsive lying, with his OCD and his addiction.
So it turns out he also cheated on his wife for the entire 20 years of his marriage. Plus he will sleep with anything that moves, lots of married women, women he pursues on Craigslist (he writes five-page loveletters to skanks on Craigslist to try to convince them to sleep with him for free), anyone. His mean and nasty skanky “bff,” a woman, sets him up nonstop with more women to f*ck over. It’s some sick game of theirs, she’s like his pimp. He especially likes to target young single moms because as he said they are easy. Also women 20 to 30 years younger than him. He even says he is getting a vasectomy so these much younger women won’t make him wear a condom. Seriously, he is already blobby fat and gross and hairy and how long does he think younger women will let him into their beds? He thinks he is irresistible and even talks about himself that way! What a Loser! My friend wasn’t even sexually attracted to him at all but she tried really hard and she felt sorry for him. I guess that is the definition of a “pity f*ck.” I am trying to get her not to do that again!!
There is a reason he is in the middle of a very nasty divorce that has lasted over 2.5 years and that he has to lie to get women into bed. He is an insincere opportunist and he is sick inside, a real insecure jerk. Plus you will have your memory permanently seared with a very unpleasant view if you let him take his clothes off. Honestly I never knew my friend to let someone as gross as him get her into bed. Also he has a small package despite his huge a**. Oh and you have to let him always contact you first, every time – and if you ever write him an email or text that is more than a sentence long he will tell you you are “too much” at least he did that with my friend, he is such a total control freak, but then he will turn around and tell you you are being controlling. It’s all part of his manipulation act. If you ever call him on anything he will turn it back on you and try to make you feel guilty. He has many of the typical traits of a sociopathic narcissist, like being controlling, the nonstop lying that he can’t control, feigned empathy, not taking responsibility for his own actions, reckless, easily bored, lack of remorse or guilt. Notice too that he has a funny look in his eyes a lot of time, kind of blank, or squinty when he is trying to convince about something he is lying about. My friend gets chills when she talks about it.
You might have a few fun dates with this guy but believe me it is SO not worth it. Once you dump him he will turn into the cold nasty person he is inside.